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 No Party Too Far 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part 15

Part 16

Part 17

Epilogue

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No Party Too Far -- Part 3

No Party Too Far -- Part 3

This morning Antman asked, "What's better; a short time, or a long time?"

It's a funny thing; when I go with Short Time girls, I'm a Short Time guy.  But when I go with Long Time girls, I'm a Long Time guy.  Thank God for the difference!  But I guess the secret is knowing which is which when one barfines them.

~               ~               ~

After the usual hearty breakfast at the Nana, Antman, MikeM33607, and I walked down to my favorite travel shop.  The shop is on Sukhumvit Soi 4 just past the Golden Bar Beer and the shrine.

Our plan was to wake up late on the morning after Nanapong Dance Contest XIX -- The Coveted Edition and hop a plane down to Phuket.  The only problem is that we were told all the flights that day were booked except one at 7AM and one at 5PM -- not exactly what we were hoping for.  We put our heads together for a few moments and came up with the idea that it would be better to stay up all night and go for the 7AM flight, instead of going for the 5PM flight and taking the chance we might not be able to book the excursions to Phang Nga and the Phi-Phi Islands we had planned to go on.  The round-trip tickets cost a little over 5,000 baht each, and would be ready to be picked up that day after 1PM.  No problem; we have lots of things we want to do today.

Was that Nueng that just walked by the travel shop and looked in?  I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and perhaps my eyes are playing tricks on me.  Yeah, that must be it...

Finished with our business at the travel shop, we hopped in a taxi to take us to Wat Pho.  The driver wanted to take us everywhere but Wat Pho.  We reluctantly agreed that he could take us to Saphan Taksan Bridge where we could catch the riverbus to Wat Pho.  That's really not such a bad thing as the riverbus is one of the most comfortable ways to travel in Bangkok.  Okay, we could have taken the Skytrain there, but at least we're sitting in air conditioned comfort.

The driver stopped and we paid the fare, but I'm familiar enough with the riverbus to know that where the driver was trying to get us to exit the taxi was not a stop on the riverbus route.  We quickly got back in the taxi and told the driver to take us to Saphan Taksin Bridge.  Another paper cut...  After putting on his biggest smile, nodding a dozen times, and saying he understood, the driver took off in the wrong direction.  Antman said, "Look, he knows he made a mistake; he didn't start the meter"  I just shook my head and wondered how much this was going to cost us.

Well, the driver decided to take us to Wat Pho  We all got out of the taxi, and it was pretty clear the driver wanted to get paid.  MikeM33607 peeled off a few baht and handed it to the driver, but the driver wasn't satisfied -- he wanted 100 baht.  I've made the taxi trip to Wat Pho a few times from the Nana Hotel, so I know how much the fare is usually.  In the interest of being fair I made up the difference between the usual fare and what MikeM33607 had given the driver, but that's as high as I'd go.  I'm thinking if it's not on the meter, the driver is just going to pocket the money anyway.  And if the driver had just taken us where we wanted to go, none of this would have happened.  I hate this crap.  The driver didn't like my idea of fairness and decided to glower at me while I just cheerfully waved goodbye.

~               ~               ~

There's a smile on my face . . . For everyone
There's a golden coin . . . That reflects the sun
There's a lonely place . . . That's always cold
There's a place in the stars . . . For when you get old

~               ~               ~

It was good to see Wat Pho again.  I go there every trip to Bangkok and never tire of walking the grounds.

In the building that houses the Reclining Buddha, a woman had a small desk set up and was collecting donations to renovate the roof.  For a small donation, one could select a roof tile and write their name and any special intentions on the back of the tile to be installed on the roof over the Reclining Buddha.  They weren't asking for much, and it was a nice thing to do.  Not only to help with the renovation project, but maybe, just maybe, Buddha would give my special intentions some consideration.  What the hell, it couldn't hurt.

For some reason the older woman collecting donations took a liking to me -- I guess more than just bargirls are won over by my Tom Cruise good looks.  Anyway, she obtained some special blessing beads and tied them around my wrist saying they would make me lucky.  I don't know if I believe the beads and strings make me lucky, but I do believe that Thais think so.  And I've found that they are often interested and treat me differently (perhaps better) when they notice I'm wearing a blessing.

Okay, my secret is out -- bargirls also love that stuff!

I have a small Spirit House in my home, and when I get home after my trip to Thailand I usually hang the blessing strings and beads on the Spirit House.  It's prolly a good idea to keep the Spirit House all charged up with blessings and luck.

When we had seen enough of Wat Pho, we headed over to Lek Muang to visit the spirit of the city.  Lek Muang is in the neighborhood, and worth the short trip.  I never know what I'll see there; sometimes there is live traditional music, sometimes traditional dancers.  But there are always lots of people making merit to Bangkok's Spirit.  MikeM33607 gave releasing the birds another go and was much more successful than he was last year.  Sheesh, he flew to Bangkok in First Class this year, what ever could he wish for next year?


Notice the birds flying from the cage.
I wish I would have used a faster shutter speed.

We all paid our respects and figured it was time for Antman's first tuk-tuk ride.  MikeM33607 and I are both big guys, so it must have been a sight to see all three of us crammed into a tiny tuk-tuk.  Every time we took off from a traffic light, the front end would lift up.  I just knew we were going to wheelie over backwards!

Pointing to the driver's wrist Antman said, "Tuk-tuk drivers don't look like they make a lot of money, but I noticed they all wear Rolex watches."  TIT, my friend.  This is Thailand, indeed.

Not far from Pantip, we were pulled over by one of Bangkok's finest.  I wondered if he was going to check our papers as well, but after checking out the driver (and receiving a 50 baht note) he let us go on our merry way.  I felt bad about that so I gave the driver a tip to make up for the small extortion.

Of course as luck would have it, the tuk-tuk driver dropped us off in front of the Golden Bar Beer and the very stool Song was sitting on.  There was no way I could ignore her this time.  Not that I never wanted to see her again, I just didn't want to see her all the time.  I greeted her with open arms and a big hello, and told her we would be back for a drink after we finished our business.

I think Antman spilled the beans that we were headed to Phuket, so a few of the girls in the bar were quite interested.  I'm sure they would have been very happy to join us.

Every time we visited GBB we asked about Hammers and Gooner, and kept an eye out for BigHairyPig.  Although there were more than a few guys that fit BigHairyPig's description, we never did hook up.

As promised, our tickets were printed and ready to be picked up.

We had just one drink at GBB, and said we would come back after we did some more shopping.  But our intended next stop was really the August Styling Salon.  I love that place.  It's so nice to be greeted at the door by a half-dozen beautiful girls and then be pampered for a while.  Ain't this the life?

We chose to get the facial, head massage, special ear cleaning, and manicure.  Antman asked if we were going to get a pedicure too, but I thought that sounded a little gay.  After thinking about it for a moment I reasoned, "Why should we bend over to cut our own toenails?  This is Bangkok!"  Thus the pedicure and foot massage were added to the list.

Being pampered at August is just fantastic.  The girls speak just enough English to get by, but most of their communication is non-verbal; lots of cooing or little moaning sounds to get you to move your head this way or that...

An hour or so later and we are all cut and cleaned and polished, and ready for our appointment with destiny -- or should I say CPII.

This was to be the first Soapy for Antman and I.  I'd read a little about Soapies on the forums and the general consensus was that CPII was the place to go.  A friend had tried a Soapy at Annie's and said it was no big deal, but I figured a Soapy had to be better than that!  Just the idea itself promises so much fun.

Jumping in a taxi we tried to tell the driver where we wanted to go, but he refused to understand us.  Of course, the way we murdered the Thai language could have had something to do with it.  Remembering the Europa Inn was in the neighborhood, we floated that idea and the driver started off.  Fantastic!  The only problem is that although we know the Europa Inn and CPII were in the same neighborhood, it was the first trip to CPII for all of us and we really didn't know how to get to CPII once we were at the Europa Inn.

The driver dropped us off in the driveway of the Europa Inn, and we started looking around in all directions to see if we could find a hint of the fabled CPII.  It took us a while before anyone actually looked just across the street, but when we did there was no denying we had found the promised land: Chao Phraya 2!

We felt just like school kids as we darted through traffic to cross the busy street, and then cross the surprisingly large parking lot.

As I reached for the door, I really didn't know what to expect.  Okay, many of us have read reports about CPII but what would it feel like to walk in for the first time and see the fishbowl?

I walked to the center of the lobby and looked in amazement at all the girls in the fishbowl smiling in my direction.

The girls were split into three sections; Banyon, Superstar, and Body.  Antman's pleas to explain how it all worked went unanswered as MikeM33607 and I didn't have a clue.  I'd read that the managers there are happy to help, but they're not as easy to find in the relative darkness of the lobby as I expected they would be.

First Antman and then MikeM33607 excused themselves to go to the restroom, and I was left to figure how it all worked on my own.  

Just then an older woman stopped by and asked me something in Thai.  After apologizing for not speaking the language, I asked how it all worked.  She told me the Banyon girls give a traditional Thai massage and sex, the Body girls give a Turkish bath and sex, and the Superstars just give sex.  I asked about Soapies, but she gave me a quizzical look and left.  I'm on my own again...

Okay, let's figure this out.  I want a Soapy which is more than just sex, so the Superstars are right out.  I've had traditional Thai massages before and don't recall any bubbles or air mattresses, so the Banyon girls are right out.  So that leaves the Body girls which is perfect for me because the girl I had my eye on just happened to be sitting in that section.  Am I a lucky guy or what?  Maybe the beads really do help!  Now if I can just select her before someone else does...

Antman and MikeM33607 come back all ready to go, and want to know how it all works.  I gave them a disclaimer that I wasn't really certain, and told them what little I understood.

The moment I finished my explanation the mamasan walked up again saying, "Have you made a selection?"

"Yes, I want that one."

"Very good, please come with me."

Antman and MikeM33607 looked like they were cut to the quick!  How could I pick a girl just like that and leave them hanging?!?!

Antman exclaimed, "Jai, you picked one already?"

"Dude, you guys were gone a long time, I found the one I want, and I don't want anyone else to get her.  I've told you everything I know.  Now, pick one of the Body girls!"  And with that I turned to follow the mamasan.

As I entered the room on the other side of the lobby, I looked over my shoulder to see how Antman and MikeM33607 were doing.  For some crazy reason they decided to watch me disappear into darkness instead of concentrating on the girls.  Those guys...

The girl I chose was waiting for me in the next room.  She took me by the hand and led me to the elevator.

CPII is huge.  The hallways seem to go on forever, and they go off in all directions.  On top of that, the building must be 4-6 stories tall.

We got to our room, and she led me inside.  The room reminded me of a room you might see in a 70's porn movie; round bed, hip disco art on the wall, mirrors everywhere, a 70's style couch, and a TV.  Of course there was also a huge tub and a giant air mattress.

It wasn't an air mattress like you might see people using at a pool.  This was a giant industrial strength air mattress.  The kind that I wouldn't have to worry about popping if I were to jump on it.  And it seemed to me that the mirrors were so positioned that one could see their reflection no matter where they were in the room.

A man took our drink order and disappeared.  My masseuse readied the tub, and then removed my shoes and socks.  When the drinks were delivered, she poured for both of us, sat down next to me on the couch, and tuned the TV to a porn channel.

Although I appreciated the thought, I really didn't need the porn channel to get my motor running.  My masseuse was one of the largest breasted girls I'd ever seen in Thailand, and I was doing some serious thinking about getting all slippery with her.

After getting to know each other on the couch a little, she led me to the giant tub to ensure I was squeaky clean every where.  From there, it's on to the air mattress and the soap bubbles.

If you've followed my previous reports, you might know I don't get too explicit.  So we'll close the Soapy chapter here.  All I can say is if you haven't had a Soapy at CPII, you owe it to yourself to try it.  There ain't nothing else like it nowhere.

A loud buzzer brought me back to reality.  A bit groggy and with  unsteady legs, I tried to figure out how to dress myself.  If my masseuse wasn't there to help me, I might still be there!

She led me back to the elevator, and to the cashiers desk where I paid up.  I don't think I've ever paid 1,700 baht so cheerfully in my life!  There was a little tip for the drink guy and the cleaning lady, and I prolly tipped my masseuse too much but I'm certain I was the happiest guy on the planet at the moment.

When I stepped back into the lobby, Antman and MikeM33607 were standing right where I left them.  "Did  you guys go in?"

"Yeah."

"Was that the best thing you've ever done?"

"Yeah."

We were all too drained to talk.

When we got out to the street, we hailed a taxi and climbed in.  I don't recall us say much other than "That was fantastic!" and "When are we going back?" and stuff like that.

Some how we made our way to The Living Room.  There was a note on the board from Burnout, but other than that we were on our own.  We had a few drinks, and headed off in the general direction of Old Siam on Soi 23.

It was fun to walk down Sukhumvit.  The touts get tiring after a while, but the smells of the food stalls, the sounds of all the people talking, the rush of the traffic, an elephant here, and there! -- it's a sensory overload.

We crossed the Asoke intersection, and I thought it would be a great idea to cut through the Asoke bar beers to give Antman a little taste.  It turns out he got a pretty big taste!  The Asoke bar beer girls were out in force, and many of them were in traditional dress for Loy Kratong.  Antman was grinning from ear to ear every step of the way.

Damn, damn, damn.  I'd forgotten all about Loy Kratong.  My plan was to go down to the river to see some floats, but I didn't think there was any way I could do it now.  Oh well, it will have to wait until next year...

Old Siam looked just like I left it last year.  And I noticed they didn't do anything about the smell.  I like the food and the ambiance, but the restaurant has an overwhelming (to me, at least) smell of mothballs.  Once the food arrived at the table, the mothball smell wasn't sooo bad.  But the smell was still there, lingering in the background.

After a couple nights at NEP, I think we were all ready for a little Soi Cowboy change of pace.  Soi Cowboy was like I've never seen it before.  So many girls were wearing traditional dress; it was wonderful.

We had a drink in this bar and that, and generally worked our way down the street stopping wherever our fancy took us; until we got to Tilac.  There, a girl sat down next to me who I did not try to encourage.  She was happy, outgoing, and spoke English well enough, but for me there was no chemistry.  It happens sometimes, what can I say.

Antman seems to have fallen in love with the first girl to sit down next to him as usual, and MikeM33607 had his laser vision on high and was scanning the bar for attractive targets.

With me being such a ratbastard, one might think it would be easy for me to get rid of some girl that I really don't want.  But I find it difficult.  And even harder when the girl is attractive and really quite nice.

As we talked a little, I noticed a girl on the other side of the bar.  She wasn't dressed like a dancer, but in a suit.  I assumed she was the mamasan.  We would make eyes at each other, and then she would flick her beautiful hair.  I can't believe no one is hitting on this girl.

I was hooked.

But now I have a couple problems; can one bar fine a mamasan, and what do I do about the cute girl at my side?

Just as I was about to ask the girl sitting with me about the one across the bar, the one across the bar got up and went away.  She walked into the throngs of punters and dancers, and was gone.

Well, I guess I didn't strike when the iron was hot.

I talked to the girl sitting with me a little more, and she told me she was very sad.  She was sad because it was Loy Kratong, and she had to work.  As stories of Loy Kratong went in one ear and out the other, I scanned the bar looking for the girl I really wanted.

Aha!  I spotted her.  She had crossed to the far side of the bar, and up to the nosebleed seats in the back row.

I turned to my little friend and asked what she would do if she could go to Loy Kratong.  As she excitedly told me of going to the river and releasing a little boat, I reached into my pocket and handed her 500 baht.  With a very happy smile on her face she asked, "You go with me to Loy Kratong?"

"No, you go and enjoy your special holiday.  Remember me when you release your little boat, okay?"

"Okay!!"  A hug and a sniff later she was gone.

Not bad.  I've got my good deed for the day done, and it didn't even cost me much.  And the girl I've had my eye on is still up in the nosebleed seats!

A quick look to my left and I can see that Antman is nose to nose making goo-goo eyes with some cutie, and MikeM33607 is still in search mode.  I tapped MikeM33607 on the shoulder being careful not to harm his delicate optical settings, and told him that I would be on the other side of the bar and asked him not to leave without me.  

I spun around in my stool ready to stand and make the long trek to the other side of the bar, when the girl I just barfined bounce into my lap.

"You go Loy Kratong with me, I want."

"No, Loy Kratong is for you.  You go and have fun!"

"Ching-ching?"

"Ching-ching."

Another hug and a sniff and she was bounding out the door.  I noticed a couple girls sharking me, and wondered if they were friends of hers hoping to get in on my barfine frenzy.  But I had more important things to do than send every girl in the bar off to Loy Kratong; I wanted to find out who that other girl was.

Grabbing my drink, I started the long lonely walk to the other side of the bar.  My eyes were fixed on her the whole way, and I was surprised she refused to look in my direction; she must have seen me coming her way!  But it wasn't until I reached her table that she acted surprised to see me there.  I asked her if I could join her, and she quickly made a place for me.  With my butt barely on the seat, I asked if I could buy her a drink.  That earned me a wai, and she signaled to the bartender.

This is weird; she's a little older (maybe) than the average dancer, much better dressed (even when not on the stage, the dancers aren't wearing much), very attractive (I thought so), and is certainly not hunting for guys.  What gives?  Could she be a katoey?  Nah, not possible...  I hope.  I can't figure this out.

She downed her drink, and I bought her another.  As I'm trying to talk with her, in rushes the girl I just barfined, she's got a huge Loy Kratong float and asks, "Do you have one baht?"

"No, sorry."  What am I supposed to do?  I prefer not to carry coins.  And besides; if I barfined her, must I sponsor all of her Loy Kratong activities?

"No ploblem, I give you one baht." and she hands me a shiny new coin.

"Thank you very much, I think..."

"Okay, now you gib back to me."

"Ah, okay."

I handed the coin back to her, and she carefully put it in the float.  She also reached inside her purse pulling out a shiny coin for herself and put that into the float as well.

"I go river now.  Bye bye."  And she disappeared out the door, proudly carrying her boat before her.

I was sincerely glad to have experienced all that.  And I was also glad that I might be able to pursue this new girl in peace now.  But it seems like some of the first girl's friends are still sharking me.

This really is weird.

It doesn't take long until I only have eyes for Som; to me, we were the only two in the place as the carnival of the bar faded away.  There is something absolutely captivating about her; I don't know if it's her lovely smile, the style of her hair, or how  the whole package is put together.  

Good gracious,
That @ss is bodacious.

She never got up on the stage to dance but every so often when the moment struck her, Som would stand up and dance to the music. She didn't dance like the usual go-go dancer, Som flowed with the music.  I'm done, Som is the only one for me this night.

Some guy floated in front of me making strange hand gestures.  It took me a few seconds to return to reality and realize it was MikeM33607, and he was trying to tell me that Antman had barfined his cutie and they both were ready to go.

I asked Som if she wanted to go with me, she eagerly shook her head yes.  I handed her 500 baht, but she told me the barfine was 600.  That's weird, the girl I barfined earlier cost only 500 baht -- but mai phen rai...

We rode the Skytrain back to Nana and Antman dragged his prey directly to his room.  MikeM33607 wanted to hunt a little in Angel's, so Som and I joined him for a while.

I don't remember going up to the room; Som had me completely hypnotized.  Not a bad way to end the day.

Ain't this the life?

---------------------------------------------------

Ommmmmm

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This page was last updated on 19 August, 2004
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