For All Seasons -- Part 2
A Farang For All Seasons -- Part 2
I never eat those fruit baskets. I used to when I traveled to Jakarta a
lot but I got a bad one once, and I think it put me off them for
good. The girls won't eat them either, which I always took as a bad
A few years ago, I got the idea to present the fruit basket to the
maids. The maid station isn't far from my room, and I usually see
them sitting on the floor eating breakfast and reading the paper when I
make my way to the Nana buffet. I'll usually take the basket into
their little room, and being careful to use two hands, present it to the
eldest maid thanking her for the work she will be doing for me. All of
the girls will absolutely beam, and the there's nothing quite like getting
a big toothless smile from the elder.
After a late breakfast at the Nana buffet, it was over to GBB to catch
up with the guys.
Even though it had been a few months, it was as if we had never left;
Hammers and PommieBruv were downing beers at the usual table, and Angel
ambled over to take care of her favorite customer and earn a few
We drank for a while at GBB, but Antman and MikeM33607 never showed
up. Antman I can understand because if he has a girl, he's done
for. But MikeM (also know as the ShortTimeKing) usually cuts them
loose before breakfast (if they make it that long). What's happening
to everybody around here?
A new guy we called Esteeb joined us, and the consensus was that we
were hungry. We thought it also a good idea to check email, and
settled on Gulliver's to do both.
I don't think I've ever seen Gulliver's so empty, but there were still
a couple good looking girls around if one were so inclined.
After our stomachs were full and our thirst quenched (for the moment),
Esteeb went back to his hotel where he booked a massage (?), and Hammers,
PommieBruv and I decided to pay our respects at the beergarten.
Maybe it was the threat of rain, but the pickings at the beergarten
were pretty slim that day. There were a lot of dragon ladies around,
but nothing I could get excited about. Sensing it was a lost cause,
I excused myself with a promised to meet the guys on the rail at Big Dog.
My first thought was a nap to get in shape for tonight's festivities,
but the lure of the girls standing in the window of August Styling Salon
was just too much. What the heck, even this hansam man can use a
touch-up now and then…
I ordered the works, and when it was all over added a massage. A
couple of the girls led me up the steep stairs and showed me to my
cubicle. As I was getting ready for the delights to come, I could
hear Antman's voice in the cubicle next to mine.
"Hey, Antman. Big Dog at 5PM."
"Big Dog at 5PM."
"What's Big Dog?
"How many times have you been to Thailand, and you don't know what
Big Dog is?"
"Oh, yeah. Right, right… It's a bar. Where is it
"Same place it was last time; across the street from your
"How do you know where I'm staying?"
"I know everything."
"Who are you?"
"They call me The Seer…"
I've only known Antman for 10 years, but he still doesn't recognize my
The massage put me a little behind schedule, but I was able to join
Hammers and PommieBruv at the rail. Antman had stopped long enough
for Hammers to buy him a drink, and then he and Wifey left to get ready to
go out that night. He was long gone before I got there.
We had some fun with the girls, bought a few drinks, and enjoyed
watching the parade of BG's marching in to NEP.
Now and then a tout would come by selling this or that, and there were
a few kids running around selling gum and cigarettes, and offering to
shine our shoes. I usually get my shoes shined and, as we weren't
going anywhere for a while, now was as good a time as any. We
haggled over the price for a little while; the boy wanted 50 THB, but I
told him 40 plus a tip if he did a good job. Rockport makes pretty
comfortable boots, but it sure did feel good to let the piggies air out
for a while. The shoeshine boy did his usual good job, and earned
his 10 THB tip.
But even my freshly shined and sparkling shoes didn't stop a pack of
other shoeshiners from trying to sell me another shine.
The old Thai man that sits at the end of the bar ran over and slapped
one of young boys hard in the face. And I mean really hard.
PommieBruv and I instinctively shot out of our seats, and that caught the
old man's eye. Unfortunately, there didn't seem much we could
do. We couldn't very well hit the old man, and I was sure he didn't
understand a word we were saying. But I did get the feeling that he
understood enough that he wouldn't be slapping any more children in front
of us. At least today…
As the boy started to tear up, he grabbed his little box of shoeshine
supplies and the children slowly left the area.
PommieBruv believed the young boy looked Cambodian, and that's why the
old man thought it okay to slap him like that. I don't know…
But there's got to be a better way… Even if they are touts…
That little scene put a damper of the rest of our stay at Big Dog that
evening. Try as we might, PommieBruv and I just couldn't get back in
to watching the parade. When Hammers had enough of juggling the
bargirls on his knees, we hit the bricks.
This time we headed down Soi See, and into the parking lot/sub-soi
where MegaBreak is located. There are a couple bars on the ground
floor, but only one looked tempting that night; Tequila Bar.
Tequila Bar was seriously overstocked with girls, but we did our best
to keep them occupied. I was lucky to score my three first-choices,
and Hammers immediately fell in lub with the mamasan.
With three girls in one's lap all competing for attention it can be
difficult to pay attention to what else is going on in the bar. But
the soap opera developing between Hammers and the mamasan was too good to
miss. In just a matter of a couple short hours they went from shy
starry-eyed lovers, to engagement, to planning the wedding, and through a
fun-filled honeymoon. Unfortunately, the honeymoon was over all too
soon, and they began to bicker about sports. The next thing I knew,
they were planning their divorce.
Thank God there were no children involved.
Hammers is a good guy to party with. If you ever get a chance, I
whole-heartedly recommend tipping a few with him.
One of my three girlfriends decided to ask how old I was.
"No, you 47"
"No, you 47"
And with that, she decided to have a conference with her two
sisters. After much yabbering amongst them, they all decided I was
"You no 50. You 47. Hab ID?"
"No, I don't have ID. I'm 50. Quite arguing and show
me your hoots."
Well, that got things on a much better track right away. But how
did they know I was really 47? These girls are amazing…
Nice hoots too!
The relationship between Hammers and the mamasan finally got to the
point where they couldn't stand to be in the same room together, so it was
time for us to move on.
We knew the guv at Paradise City Roadhouse, and decided to stop by to
pay our respects. There was a van parked in front of the
establishment full of bar stools, and we thought they must have been
bringing some in for one of the upcoming special events the guv had
When we entered the bar, it was pretty clear it was being gutted.
The owner of the space came over a little pissed, and wanted to know what
we were doing there. We hadn't known that the bar was closed, and
Hammers quickly defused the situation. Enough so that the owner gave
us a tour of the bar (such as it was) and explained how things would be at
the next Grand Opening.
Hammers and I were pretty surprised at the whole thing. We don't
spend a lot of time on the forums any more, but neither of us heard any
discouraging words on Paradise City Roadhouse or the guv for that
matter. But it seems as that everything has changed now.
We promised the owner we'd be back in a few months in time for the
second Grand Opening, and left it at that.
As we walked out of the complex, the girls of Tequila Bar beckoned us
back in to their bar, but a stern look from the mamasan aimed at Hammers
told us it was time to move on to greener pastures.
What the heck… NEP is only a short walk away. And we
bounced around the Plaza like Tokyo pachinko balls on a Saturday night.
We made it into Erotica Bar, but after a round or three we were all go-goed
out. We voted unanimously to visit Morning/Night.
On the way out, the katoey hello-girl grabbed my junk, and she just
wasn't going to let go for any reason. Life gets old fast when one's
junk is being held in a death-grip. Turnabout is fair play, so felt
up her tits. I don't know if they were silicon, hormone, or
whatever, but they felt like the real thing. It was easy to clock
her as a katoey by looking at her, but it would have been impossible for a
blind man to tell just by feeling her tits.
12 hours of drinking started to catch up with Hammers. We made it
into Morning/Night okay, but it was pretty clear he wouldn't be getting up
The usual girls joined us, and things picked up a little. And
that's when the Vodka/Lippos started. Those things are evil!!
GoodGirl joined us at our table. She said she was sorry for how
things ended last trip, but didn't believe I had a broken heart. The
truth is I was way too drunk to play any games or even dust off the old
pak wan. A simple "Up to you" ended the conversation for
The bar was spinning and I was starting to crash anyway, so I checked
bin and hit the road.
As I staggered my way to the Nana Hotel, I figured there was no reason
to waste a night in Bangkok so I decided to see if Hoover was
around. A quick left into NEP, and I was in hunting mode again; even
if a little wobbly.
Sadly, Hoover wasn't in her bar that night. Enough time had
passed and I was drunk so I wasn't sure of her name, and no one knew her,
and the music was loud, and the room was spinning, and the lights were
flashing, and I need another beer, and the room was spinning, and the
lights were flashing, and the room was spinning, and now I seem to have
two girls, and…
Hey!! That girl on the stage looks like a tiny Thai Demi
Moore! I gotta get some of that. I told one of my new
girlfriends that I wanted to meet her, and the next thing I knew I was
shaking Demi's hand.
Demi said she would go with me, but she only does LT's. Perfect
for me, as I don't like to go too far to bury the bone in the
morning. In a flash she had changed and was ready to go. The
problem was that I wasn't. If I had just one more beer I might
better be able to walk back to the Nana Hotel without falling down.
One thing was for certain, if I had one more beer there was a good chance
I wouldn't feel it if I did fall down.
With a beer for me and a Breezer for Demi, we watched the girls dance
on the stage.
As it turned out, waiting a little while was a good thing. I
couldn't stay upright any easier, and seeing double didn't help things a
bit, but Soi See was now crowed with girls pouring out of Nana Plaza and
all traffic on the famous street was completely stopped.
Photo courtesy of Chewie
Once nice thing about being known at a hotel, is one isn't required to
speak if it is impossible for them to do so. With my eyes glazed
over and a girl in tow, they knew I was headed to my room and had my key
waiting for me. I love that place.
Usually, I don't give the guards at the elevator a second thought; I'm
not one that makes my girlfriend for the evening go through the
registration process. Maybe I've been lulled into a false sense of
security, but I've never had a problem with the girls… And the
guards usually don't make an issue of me ignoring them.
But tonight was different. One of the guards actually jumped up
from his seat, ran over and grabbed Demi by the arm. Hmmm… I
may be a little worse for wear, but I know this is out of the ordinary.
Instead of cooperating, Demi started to argue with the guard.
Hmmm… I'm drunk, a guard thinks it's important to get this girl's
ID, and Demi doesn't want to give it to him. Things don't sound
quite right to me. Instead of whisking her away as I might have done
had I less to drink, I let the guard have is way.
Demi wasn't happy about it, but she finally complied. I gotta
remember to tip those guys sometime…
When we finally did make it into the elevator, Demi repeated over and
over again, "I am not a teef, I am good girl." I was now
absolutely, positively convinced she was a thief, and I would have to be
careful to lock up all my stuff.
Or my other option was screwing her into unconsciousness, so I could
get some undisturbed rest and not worry about my valuables.
Yes, that sounded like a better plan indeed.